Fake it Until You Make it

Becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be

Years ago, I was feeling some kind of way, and a friend said to me, “Just fake it until you make it.” I thought, “Well, that's just silly. Why would I do that?”

For years, I've dreamed of becoming the woman I know I'm meant to be.

She lives in my shadow.

Sometimes she steps forward just enough for me to catch a glimpse of her. Confident. Peaceful. Creative. Free. But most of the time, she stands quietly behind me, wanting to come forward but afraid to be seen.

Life has taught her to hide.

Years of emotional abuse and abandonment pushed her down. Years of believing she wasn't enough. Years of heartbreak, disappointment, and feeling different from everyone around her. Years of loving deeply, only to find herself standing alone when it mattered most.

Again and again, she was left picking herself up from the floor, wondering what she had done wrong.

With every wound, she drifted a little farther away.

Now, when I look for her, I see her in the distance. I see her in old memories. I see flashes of her in moments when I forget to be afraid. But she isn't fully here with me.

Not yet.

Sometimes I want to wait until I feel stronger, braver, more confident before I start becoming her.

But what if that's backward?

What if the way back to myself is to start acting as if she is already here?

To make the decisions she would make.

To create the art she would create.

To take the chances she would take.

To speak with the voice she would use.

Maybe "fake it until you make it" isn't about pretending to be something that you are not.

Maybe it's about remembering who you are.

So, to the woman standing in my shadow:

Come back to me.

I need you.

And until you return completely, I will leave the door open. I will live as though you're already here.

Maybe that's how I find my way back to myself.

Or maybe that's how you find your way back to me.